My name is Destiny. I am from a small town in South Carolina. I am a stay at home mom and a local mental health advocate.
It was the summer of 2019; I was sitting by the pool having some drinks with a family friend, discussing family issues when she looks over at me and says, “Do you know why you were gave the name Destiny?” And that’s when she laid it out on the table and had informed me that I had survived an abortion. I still remember the pain that I felt in that moment. The drunken tears running down my face. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I felt like a dirty little secret. For 24 years everyone around me knew my secret but me.
I was in a very dark place at the time. I was using alcohol to numb my pain after suffering a miscarriage in 2018. I had went to the doctor for an ultrasound only to be told they couldn’t find a heartbeat and I would need a D&C. Losing my son was one of the hardest chapters of my life so I couldn’t understand at the time how my mom was so willing to kill me not once but twice while in her womb. It filled me with hate when I found out everyone around me knew my secret, except me. I’ve spent my entire life feeling different, unwanted, and a burden to my family. And there were times I questioned why I was named “Destiny”. I’ve spent many of years wondering what in the hell is wrong with me.
I’ve suffered from anxiety, depression, and PTSD as far back as I can remember. The awful nightmares, the flashbacks. The chest pain, heart palpitations, the lower back pain. I was diagnosed with tachycardia at the age of 9 that doctors claimed was triggered by too much caffeine intake, but little did they know what was going on behind closed doors. When I started learning more about mental health and how your body stores trauma that your mind has blocked out, it made me wonder if all my issues could be linked to me being an unborn fetus in my mother’s womb literally fighting for my life.
It made me wonder if I was a twin hiding behind my sibling or if I was just simply a miracle. I want to get a better understanding of who I am. Exactly what abortion procedure my mom had done and how far along she was with me. I want to know everything so I can process it and completely heal. I know that my parents must have been in a really dark place at that time to make the decision they did. I have forgive them in my heart but it doesn’t mean I don’t want answers.
There are days I have to remind myself how truly powerful I am and even if I did spend all those years feeling unwanted and alone; I was never unwanted and alone. God has been by my side this entire time and with him I can overcome every obstacle I have faced. No matter what cards you’ve been dealt with; you can always reshuffle them for a better outcome. Abortion Survivors Network has been life changing for me. I’ve met some beautiful souls who made me feel like I was worthy and I wasn’t alone during this healing journey. That I could turn my pain into power and use my voice to help others.
